Cool Doctor Who

Cool Doctor Who
His look represents how I feel

Friday, November 27, 2015

Jeremy Brett - The ONLY Sherlock Holmes

(Holmes looking perturbed) 

Picture appreciation post for Jeremy Brett as Sherlock Holmes; a character he came to loathe.

You, Jeremy, were a wonderful human being outside of Holmes and other characters you played and the world misses your unique and eccentric personality, Thank you for existing and being an inspiration to all of your fans!  

Linguistic research...

I think there could be more expressions that can be added but I have to find more. The one I want really badly is a Scottish one, ya'know for research purposes... yeah...

Sunday, November 8, 2015

~The one and only 21st century Doctor~

~The one and Only Sherlock Holmes and Dracula~ 

I Fucking Love these two and will till the end of my days!

I have an issue with a character in a TV series... Oh wait, this is a blog about my favorite series and actor(s) so I will post my opinion whether anyone likes it or not... 

I have never liked Clara Oswald ... ever. Many people have tried to convince me to love/like her. Many people have tried to say that she is a strong feminine lead character. Sure I guess if you like brats or  ego-maniac control freaks who cannot handle change and wish to ruin everything for everyone else by throwing a fit when things don’t work or go their way so they stomp their feet and demand things to resume to their comfort level or they “slap”their "friend" across their face and believes they are owed something better? Damn, sounds like a spoilt brat to me or a toddler throwing a temper tantrum on a large scale. 

I get it, she was upset that Danny died (didn't like him either) but the Doctor didn't owe her anything. Her guilt was immense because all she did was lie, lie, and lie some more - to Danny, To the Doctor, and worst of all - to herself. I have a huge problem with LAIRS always have. I have a problem with people who want to control everything and not see what their actions do to others. That really is Clara who needs to be the one in control. I do not think that this a strong female character to look up to, I think Clara should be an example as to not what to be/act like. If we were to put Clara to the Power and Control Wheel for abusive relationships... You would see that Danny would have been in an abused Boy-Friend in an unhealthy relationship and the relationship with Clara and the Doctor is an unhealthy co-dependent one; however I think the Doctor is just waiting to see what Clara's end is - meaning he is waiting patiently until her end - that is just the way he rolls because of severe curiosity. Now, I understand that we could say the same for the Doctor, however there is one little problem with that... HE IS AN ALIEN who can establish good healthy relationships - Rose/9-10 - Donna/10 - Sarah Jane/3-4 (those are my top favorites) and he is too erratic to fit the control wheel mostly because he has empathy rather than sympathy and is more a teacher than a lover. Clara really has little empathy but can be sympathetic. I think that Clara is the representation of the human race, not really a good one, she isn't that violent but she doesn't feel enough to be a good interpretation of what humans are like. They mean well but we need instant gratification and we are owed if things don't go our way. Oh, yeah she has changed a little this season, but I think that the Doctor is not giving her what she asks for as much and that he is reacting to her differently... FINALLY! I guess this was some sort of rant but hey, it's my blog right?

Oh.. to all you shippers out there with the 12/Clara friggin love affair, there is no problem with you writing such things but no, it is NOT CANNON - enough is enough with telling people that who disagree with you are ass holes and unimaginative or useless because they don't follow your opinion, you really are no better than the American Right-Wing Christians who condemn science and all things that make sense to the real world that you say needs to happen like; free or low college tuition, free healthcare, Democratic Socialists like Bernie Sanders - seriously, I think you all should really practice what you preach before you condemn other people. 

Thursday, February 26, 2015

No I am not whining, but I feel like I am...

I am sitting here wondering what the fuck am I supposed to do next. I have plans... big fucking plans but I seem so stuck. I thought that what I was doing was going to assist me to reach higher in life, alas.. no. A big fucking ZED. DO NOT think I am talking about my job, hell no! I love my job as a mother and as a Crisis Advocate. I am so excited every morning to get up and go do something I love and see my beautiful children everyday. It's not that, I'm happy there.

It is where I am mentally and emotionally. What I do not have that I should have had years ago. Yeah, this may sound like a pity letter to me and the world; but it isn't.

I am still trying to survive. I am still trying to grow as a person from my past. As a domestic violence survivor I still find it difficult to reach out to people. I still find it difficult to form healthy relationships and maintain them. Hell, I just found out through neurological testing that I needed that my IQ is way above standard; however, because of all the trauma and hyper-stress I lived with for decades, the wiring in my brain is still in survivor mode. I need to reprogram my brain and I will tell you, it hurts.

Your head starts to get foggy as you try to think outside of the box per say. You constantly try to tell yourself that everyone is not against you. You keep thinking that you cannot make mistakes and you have to be perfect or you will get "punished" if you do not follow the parameters set by the abuser of the house. Then you have to remind yourself that... THEY ARE NO LONGER FUCKEN THERE!!! to torture you and the kids. Then the guilt sets in. You self-sabotage and then, you and the kids get neglected. Appointments suffer because your abuser didn't want the kids talking about life at home, so now you are in a rut. The rut is that you don't want your kids reliving that trauma if the Doc asks questions. Months go by, missed appointments. Keeping only the Mental health ones even-though the physical health ones are just as important. You do not keep them. You don't because you are too embarrassed to tell the Doc that you don't have a licence and a  car because your abuser prevented you from learning how to drive. Oh, did I forget to mention they also kept money from you too? They kept you poor and fighting to keep the lights on or food in the fridge because their things were more important than the kids and you? Clothing? What was that? You and the Kids don't need more than one pair of shoes or new clothes. And the US thinks Saudi Arabia is so misogynistic. Try looking in your own back yard USA.

I am still paying their debts.

There is a good side. I have been single for a year. My kids are alive. I am alive. I graduated College Cum Lade, although late in life, I still did it despite the fighting, yelling, screaming, protecting my kiddos, and my sanity. I have an awesome job with equally awesome people I work with. I am working on getting my License and a vehicle to drive so I can have full-time employment plus getting my Master's Degree.

See, big plans... Big plans to me, may-be small stepping stones for those who do not understand the mind of the Traumatized. In retrospect, my trauma dates back much much further than my marriage, the relationship after the marriage, and the very short one after that. I do not know what I am supposed to do next other than push through my obstacles. I am terrified. I look in the mirror and I cannot believe what I see. I should look old. I should look haggard. I should look drained. But I don't. I do not look my age. Inside, I feel younger than I should. Why? Well, I feel younger because I was never given the skills to be an adult, I was only given tools to survive. I am still a child, not a healthy child. I joke that I am an awkward teenage gay boy stuck in a woman's body. If that offends you, I really am sorry, however, here is my explanation.

As we all know adolescent boys are trying to find their way in the world of maleness. This means that they are surging with testosterone during puberty so naturally, bigger boys pick on smaller ones for we call that bullying. What happens if that smaller boy is very different than the other boys? What if the smaller boy has a crush on that bigger boy? OR what if that bigger boy really has a crush on his best friend who happens to be another bigger boy? See where I am going? I'm that scared little boy who has a problem reaching out to people for friendship because I'm not like the others. Now I have this knowledge that I prefer boys than girls, it terrifies me because I see other boys get picked on and hurt for the same reason. To put salt in the wound, I also love geeky things. I don't like sports, I would rather read, I would rather watch Doctor Who, I would rather go to Comic Cons and dress up. I am socially awkward because I don't fit in... well, most kids don't but here I am, secretly gay and love geeky things. Now add an abusive childhood to that poor boy. All of it. You name it, it probably happened.

That is me, that poor, scared little boy who just wants to be nurtured and loved in a good healthy way.

I love men, I relate to men better than women, and I know that there are great men out there but I am not (my belief and it is because of my childhood and my adult life) fitted for them. I do not have the tools for a beautiful healthy relationship with a beautiful healthy man. I have been asked as to why I do not just give up and date women. Well, this is what I say.

"The right one hasn't come around and really folks, I love me the penis and the beautiful male body, and I have my own boobs and vagina to play with. This is not to say I have not contemplated looking for a woman, I have. I would have to find a woman who is very masculine in body shape and personality. Too complicated and potentially hurtful."

I have resigned to staying single. It is safer that way. I still need to work on rewiring my head before I even go back on the dating scene, If I ever Chose too. I need to better myself and learn to love myself before I can be healthy and good with someone else whether they are male, female, or transgender because feelings are real. They do not need my baggage from my past. They need me to be just as nourishing for them as I need them for me.

This post turned into something I was not expecting, but I hope you all understand that these rambling words are from a traumatized mind that just wants to be fixed and wants the best life for my kids and It seems that it isn't happening.