Cool Doctor Who

Cool Doctor Who
His look represents how I feel

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

"Fan" is short for "Fanatic"

Top clockwise: Rufus Sewell, Peter Capldi, Jeremy Brett, "Ray" Fiennes, and Richard Roxburgh.  (

I have always wondered what goes through the "fan" mind. I am not exempt from being a fan or being blissfully apart of a fandom. Sometimes in the back of my mind I am thinking that I am turning into one of those crazed fans. You know, the ones who are addicted to every piece of information that becomes available, the "I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING" types. For example, how many sugars they take in their coffee, kids, siblings, blood type matches to give blood transfusions for their actor; you know for that off chance that there is a horrible accident or (great mother forgive me) the big "C". What gets me are the ones who know all the names of the past/present/possible future relationships the actor was/is or will be involved in. That is scarry to me. How do they know? Who do they talk too? Then there are the ones who sell their first born and their siblings just to go out of their way to travel to wherever filming happens to be located of their favorite show/actor(s) then pester them for autographs and pictures.

Don't worry, I won't sell my kids, I love them more than anything in the world. I hate needles, so there goes the blood transfusion, and I hate it when people are up in my business so why the hell would I want to bother other people?! However, I find myself mesmerized by particular individuals in the celebrity world and I could not understand as to why. Well, I still do not fully understand as to why eventhough I have a BA in Psychology (masters on the way... possibility this will be my thesis). Is it that we need to connect with the characters that they play? Well if that was the only case then we would stop the obsession at the character, but we do not. We as fans focus on the possibility that the actor/actress will emulate any character they portray or that the way they handle interviews means that their true pesonality is showing. No. No, actors are the best liers in the world. Meaning, when they go infront of a camera, they are playing up to their audiance, pulling a T S Elliot; never show your true self in your work. Yet, we continue slobbering or obsessing over the actor/actress and follow their career on to the next set of movies/TV/plays. Moreover, even if the writing and directing is terrible, we the fanatics, praise the tallented actor for making the movie better than it would have been without them in it. I will ponder more on this later because I am concidering more serrious issues about fandom; the actors themselves.

I wonder; what do actors really think of when their faces are plastered and worshiped by their fans? Some actors seem to enjoy the attention, some like Harrison Ford, wishes to be left alone. Others demand privacy,  yet throw themselves into the thick of the throngs of people begging to touch them. Lady GaGa is famous for that because she truly loves her fans because she recognizes that without them, she would not be famous. There are so many theories on the fans themselves but litle in the way on what the affect fandom has on the famous. How about those scary ones who stalk their obsession? Recently, Sandra Bullock had a problem where someone broke into her home to remove articles, artifacts or whatnot. Thankfully, she was not home. However, this is not always the case. While I was growing up, there was a famous woman who was stalked and slashed 17 times, she survived. Then there is Stephen King's Misery, even though this is about an author you get the jist because we do not need to go into a book review but, when you have a fan so bent on a story and you did not write it the way they wanted; becareful, they may keep you hostage and break your legs and "care" for you while you write another story or change the plot line.

As you gaze on this, you see the various gentlemen above to which some you may know and may be not so much others. I apparently have an affinity to British and Australian actors. One of them I have followed his career, especially when the internet made it possible to do so and there is no doctoring that fact up, another flitted in and out of my life until he ate a dragon and lost his nose, yet another made the most famous mystery solver heart pounding. Finally, the last two almost have nothing to do with American TV or Hollywood. Unless there are impossible missions to accomplish or vanquishing pesky vampire hunters and the other has shrews to tame while wearing fishnets. As you can tell, I made references to movies and their actors, if you can guess make a comment; if not, enjoy googling. I "love" each one of them, maybe one more than the others (A LOT MORE) and there are some that I have not pictured.

I wrote the word love in quotations because I really do not love them in the sense as a relationship. Although, I do realize that there are those fans who would dissagree. In fact, we have seen many fans burst out in tears/faint/vomit because they are within 20ft of the object of thier desire. I have to validate their feelings because it is possible that the actor/actress is the only positive image in their lives. Doctor Who, (yeah I know what you are saying, roll your eyes) since 1963 has been a positive fun spot in millions of fans, long and short term, because he really is an anti hero, but a hero nonetheless. The good Doctor has a message of hope, friendship, and adventure. Some of those subjects are the only good thing to look forward too at the end of the week. Yet, I know I cannot "love" them like I wish I could.

Some of them have or had wives or lovers who stay with them for reasons that is entirely foreign to me. I can say that he has a lovely smile or I enjoy the way he looks, in fact sometimes it is down right sexy the way that one raises an eyebrow. However, I do not know any-single-one of them personally. So how can anyone love someone from afar without ever knowing that person intimately? I want to answer this question, I want to understand this, although if I find out I probably will deni it and go for what is comfortable: jammies, healthy snack, and my favorite actor.

Sunday, June 15, 2014


Crags, we all have them
      Especially when we get older
In the face, around the eyes and mouth
Symbols of life and maturity
Compaired to Crags of granite
      With trees and moss blanketing them

There are special people who remind me of the crags
Salty-peppery hair, thick-soft, curly-messy, wild
      Wild winds that shape the trees growing on the crags
Voices thick, grugh, rolling with the hills
      Hills and valleys, long in history, secrets

Souls sweet as the moss smells in the late autumn sun
       Blue-green Eyes betray fertile intellegence,
       Behind that impish gleam
Intelligence flows with the rainwater off the shelves of granite
        Waterfalls sheild secrets of the crag, creating mist
        Misty fog shades paths making images there or not
Choices, past, future, now
        The fog of the land wont give up her secrets
Neither will the mature folk, but hear them
        Advice is not given lightly or easily
        Yet, Taken and disregarded by inexperiance

Vanity of youth ignores experiance, beauty, true beauty
        Beauty of experiance, life, age
There are no crags in youth, fields,  meadows,  or moors
       Just gentle slopes, virgin, boring, flat
Crags huge, jetties and cliffs, valleys uneven
Adventurous, facinating, intimidating, intriguing,  wild
       More interesting

Sunday, May 18, 2014

What is wrong with being different?

I was just informed that my opinion on the Sam kiss "could" prevent me from being gainfully employed. Why? This is against the law right? My own opinions and what happens off hours out of the public eye should not be scrutinized, I know plenty of therapists and counselors who are very accepting of others and sexual preferences. Why should I be different? Well people, this does not just happen to me apparently. How unfortunate that a potential boss will look me up on the internet, see my mangy blog and the "controversial" comments and opinions and say to me (no matter how qualified I am) "I'm sorry Ms. Reynolds, but I do not see that we are a good fit." However, the potential employer is unaware that I have the LEGAL right to ask as to WHY I am not a good fit.

They could say I am a rabble rouser or my ideologies don't coincide with theirs. I could agree with the former but not the latter because as a society, we need to progress from where we are today. I am tired of living in a culture that shuns people who are different from them. I am different. I dont want to be like everyone else, there is a point where I must conform but why do I have to conform to a body type, personality type, a particular look.... I am even an outsider among friends.

Believe me,it is the most painful thing to be isolated, I love people, I want to be around people, work for them, play among them. I act like a little kid, awkward and unsure of what to do because I have been isolated most of my life. I dont give up, but I get scared of the word NO, rejection is conditioned in me because of the isolation, and I don't ask people for things except to be included... that is my weirdness. That is the true thing that makes me different- awkward, socially inexperienced, at the age of 41.

All I ask is to accept those who are different, if not me then someone else. Bye for now, Blessed be.

Dear Doctor, I wish I could have an atom of your courage... 

Saturday, May 17, 2014

The Sam Kiss

I have this blog set up just incase I might swear or talk about sex. Why you ask? Well thats life- sex, swearing, and bodily functions are normal parts of life. Even some of my opinions could offend people like my full exceptance of homosexuality. I love the Sam kiss seen around the world not because they are gay, because they love each other.  They were happy and showed their affection for one another. I'm fucken pissed that this tallented American football player was drafted almost last. Why? Well, I think it's because of the "weird kid onthe playground" because they are different or awkward, they get chosen last and the team isn't proud of the pick. I hope that Sam plays, in fact I may actually watch football this year just to see if he plays and not sit on the bench.

Well, now Im done with that little bit. Later, blessed be.

Friday, May 16, 2014

Violence against women—it's a men's issue: Jackson Katz at TEDxFiDiWomen

Today is... Ooo! Shiny!

This is me today. I have this horrible dysfunction called procrastination.  Daily I struggle aginst it, yet I start talking (yes, talk to the people who post silly things or arguments) to my tablet and then the coffee maker stops. I must get coffee. I get coffee, I see that something else needs my immediate attention.... the book left on the couch. Read me, the book screams. Then I have this dialog going on telling me of all the wonderful plans I have and I must get to it, PRONTO! Yeah, well, that can wait a moment,  I need to find out if the charicter becomes a Kitsune agin... says the creative side of my brain.

I care to get things done but I still put things off because I find something else to do. This is not condusive to my future. This is not condusive to anything! Google+ is my bane right now because I am (like SO many other people) "crazy waiting" for Doctor Who to start in Aug... but seriously, the US won't see it until Sept. I need a different hobby...

Bye for now, Blessed Be

Thursday, May 15, 2014

I guess I am at this once again

I am sitting here in my room, listening to Scottish Rock bands from the 80-90's, wondering what my next move in life is... I should have a plan right? Of course I do, it is all laid out right now! But seriously, I don't and this is why. I do not have a car. I do not have a license. I cannot get any where for employment in my area without a vehicle and insurance. I currently have a BA in Forensic Psychology too, graduated with Cum Laude and I have an invitation to join PsyChi. AWESOME right! YES it is!

Yet I still sit here sad. Feeling unaccomplished for my self and the kiddos. I feel like that I am "self sabotaging" because I do not have the means to get what I need to. I really don't want to fall down a deep spiral of regret or guilt.That would go against my Stoic ways. I am in no way going to give in to despair but what the hell or how the hell am i going to get the $$ for drivers ed? Have no clue. I don't need someone to drive me around to keep me under their thumb or know where and what I am doing... had that thrice over do not need that to happen ever again.

I hate talking about myself. I hate reading that I have real issues and that people would judge me. Yes, I am fully aware that there are settings on this "free" blogging thing. But I do not have the patience to fix them right now. I usually keep things to myself because I never believed that people would care about what I say. That was my life, everyday... no one cared what I thought, felt, dreamed, or whether I even existed beyond making dinner or sex.

I do not include my children in this, I include the choices that I made believing that the next one would be better than the last. So stereotypical! Classic even! Starts off awesome, then months to years down the relationship river, when you least expect it, you are getting belittled for everything you do. Here is where I stop because this is the private thing, you can use your imagination as to what happened at least in one relationship. I need to remind you all who might read this... or not... Just because a survivor of abuse has "bad" relationships, this does not mean it is their fault for what happened, in fact the opposite is true in most cases.

Hey, here is a PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: GUYS, GALS, the LBGTQ you GIVEN IN to VICTIM BLAMING when you say to a PERSON, "look at all the bad relationships you had, I don't think it would work between us".... It is not the PERSON'S fault. Yes, they made choices but they didn't know the choices were "bad" until it was too late, after they are being victimized. It does not matter if the abuse is violent, emotional abuse is worse, and most cannot heal from it. So just letting you "guys" know, telling the PERSON you are interested in that it "won't work" because of the "bad relationships"... that is re-victimizing the survivor of abuse. I care about you people, I just want you to know that those survivors need to build trust again and need a little more TLC than the average person.

Well that is it for now I guess... night folks, Blessed Be.